The Leaky Pot Syndrome

Bear with me on this one. I know the title is weird.

2 Corinthians 4:7 says, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us." Okay, let's look at the context. The treasure referenced here is the "light of the knowledge of the glory of God" (v6) The knowledge. I find that fascinating.

I can just see the clay pot, light spilling out of its many cracks. It's fantastic imagery. One day I was sitting thinking about this and I realized that light and knowledge and joy doesn't just shine through those cracks - it spills out of them and pretty soon it needs to be refilled.

We are leaky. 

Think of how true this is. We hear a sermon; it fills us up with knowledge. The next week, it's all but forgotten. We experience the Lord's intervening firsthand. We are filled with amazement. The next week, it's spilled out the cracks and no longer a reality to us. We are at a Bible Study and the text fills us with the joy of the Lord. But it doesn't stay - it can't. We are leaky.

Our cracks will not be sealed until the next life. While we are still in these shadow lands, we must be continually refilled with the light of the knowledge of God's Glory. Over and over again. This is why weekly Bible studies are so important. Daily reading and praying. Regular fellowship with the body. We must immerse ourselves in the Truth.

We've all come to those places where we are absolutely empty. There's nothing left, there's no motivation, no joy. Fill up with Him. Sometimes we can't do it ourselves. Sometime God will fill us with the words of friend or stranger.

So don't be discouraged when you realize you've been leaking out the glory. It's inevitable. It's what keeps us coming back to our knees.

This blog will continue

It's been almost a year since my last post on this blog. I half-regret that, and half don't. Here's why.

Let's pretend your sister has a baby. And you see her a lot (your sister, that is). To your eyes, you never really see the baby grow. If you look back at a picture from months ago, then you can see the growth, but otherwise you never notice it because you see the child so often.

Now imagine you also have an acquaintance that has a baby. You only see this acquaintance once or twice a year. When you see that baby 8 months later you can definitely see a difference!

So I liken this blog to the latter experience. Re-reading posts and analyzing has shown me how much I have changed. And you haven't seen that change. You are the acquaintance finally seeing my baby again. You may not notice the change then, until I begin writing on these topics again. 

Honestly, I don't know how often that will be. My life has changed a lot since my last "real life and not just philosophical" post. I've been married almost 1 1/2 years and started and ended things in my life.. in short I am a different person. Still Ariel. But a little more grown up perhaps.

For instance, my last post. The feminism-ish one. I'm not sure I'd agree with everything I said. The post is a bit narrow-minded, I am rather doing a straw man fallacy on the feminism argument (if you don't know what straw man is, look it up. People do it ALL. THE. TIME.) I still am technically "against" feminism but I've been learning to see things from more sides. I don't want to turn you off by sounding boastful - you already know all growth in me is because of the Lord - but it is something I am so thankful for. 

I never realized that I was narrow-minded. Now I look back and it's so plain as day. Being open-minded doesn't mean I agree with everything. Heavens. It means I don't shoot down everything that doesn't align with my opinions. I analyze it. I consider it. I try to understand it. I have another post brewing about this in detail so I won't go into too much detail.

Point is, I'm not ashamed of who I was but I am glad I have grown. Gosh though, now everywhere I look on the internet all I see is narrow minds. Even those whom might be considered "open-minded" (like agnostics or the world-peace folks) I have found are equally as closed as the legalistic. All people want to do is flaunt their opinion. Honestly, am I any different? I'd like to think so but I'm afraid it's a rather human tendency. Still, we can do our best to work at understanding things and make ourselves more intelligent than before. That is what I am aiming to do.

To close I would apologize for the very long hiatus, but I know most of you didn't even miss me. ;) Except you, my friend, you know who you are - who said "so, is your deep-thoughts blog over?" and spurred me into writing this post. 

As always, thank you for reading. Blessings!

Last Post as a "Miss"

Well folks, I'm getting married this Saturday. All of the preparation is basically done, though I still need to finish packing for the honeymoon. I found myself with, miraculously, a few moments to spare, so I thought I'd come on here and write my last post as Miss Ariel.

Here's an excerpt from my journal.

"The beauty is that my soul is bare before him and he loves more than ever. The transparency, the flaws, everything - the beautiful and the things I want to hide. All bared to him. And he chooses to love.

I can't understand it!

He knows me, intimately. My crabbiness and selfishness. The part of me that snaps at my mother and rolls my eyes at him. The part of me that's so ugly. He loves that part of me. How? I don't know...

but maybe I do. Maybe, because I know that part of him. He is flawed, this I know. Some of these flaws I will struggle to not mention, to not criticize. But how could they ever affect my love for him?? What a ridiculous thought! I love him because of who he is, what he is, what he does, says, feels, thinks...... everything. It may not be logical. Oh well.

Love has never been so real. Love is breathing and living inside me so fervently it's like another reality. I've not lived here my whole life. And this isn't the "in-love" high that goes away apprently after the first year or so. This is a daily, choice, a purpose, a reason for being alive. An affection, a passion, a pursuit to know him intimately. It's filling me with life. This is staying. I will not lose this. I will - I don't care if it's hard sometimes, it already has been - continue to choose him, to choose love, because at the end of the day I am in his arms, safe and warm as can possibly be. At the end of the day I will be in the heaven of his embrace, and the mistakes we've made during the day are washed away with grace and love."

I am incredibly blessed. This is just a short bit of the many outpourings of joy his love has brought me. Truly, there is nothing better than to be loved for who you are. To be known completely and loved - that is what all humanity longs for.
"But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." God can see the ugliest deepest bits of me that even Stephen may never see. And yet He loves me, knowing all. It is inconceivable.

Sorry for the mini sermon. But seriously, that's a perk to having a man in your life. You start to see all these similarities between his love for you and Christ for his bride.

Anyway, to end this slightly disjointed blog post (hey, you can't blame me. I'm getting married in THREE DAYS) I'll just say that God knows his stuff. His timing is perfect. Trust him, because the results, no matter how long they take, are more than worth it.

God is so good.  The end. See you when I'm a married woman.

Short updates

I'm getting married.

I have a new (and first) job: customer service via twitter.

My sister's pregnant with her first child (and my first niece/nephew).

I've started (and stopped, at least till I settle into married life) playing trombone and being the singer for a big jazz band.

I've done more modeling, and been a supporting role in an extremely successful local musical.

Did I mention the gorgeous ring on my left hand?

That's it for now, folks. Sorry for the long absence. When the love of your life decides to make an appearance, certain things fall by the wayside.

It's so worth it.

The Close of a Year

I've been wanting to post about 2012 for a while now... but when somehow the entire poem I put my heart into vanished from the blogger drafts, I sort of gave up.

So I don't have a lovely original poem for you about this incredible and terrifying past year. Sorry. Instead, with my vanity rather smushed, I offer you the words of another instead. (Honestly I think they apply to my year almost better than anything I could've written!)

These words are from a song titled "The Beauty and the Tragedy" by David Hodges.

"For I am finding out that love
Will kill and save me
Taking the dreams that made me up
And tearing them away.
But the same love will take this heart
That's barely breathing
And fill it with hope beyond the stars..."

Whose love is this? God's. And yet is has a sort of double meaning. I recall writing in my journal, shortly after Josh died, " I didn't know it hurt so bad to love." The strong, deep love of a close friendship killed me, in a way. Because God took my dreams and literally tore them away.

But the story doesn't end there. My merciful Creator took my barely breathing heart... And filled it with hope. Many different kinds of hope - the grandest of which had already been mine from before my birth. The hope of an eternity with my Love, my Lord.

And so God wounded to heal. He brought me low to show me just how much I truly needed him... And then brought beautiful, glorious, painful Healing.

"Come, let us return to the Lord;
For he has torn us, that he may heal us;
He has struck us down, and he will bind us up." (Hosea 6:1)

"For he wounds, but he binds up; 
He shatters, but his hands heal." (Job 5:18)

So that was my year! Oh, and on top of that my only sister got married...

Needless to say, 2012 was the biggest year of my life. Also the most painful, and somehow still the most wonderful. I grew up. The Lord changed me greatly. Now I greet 2013, a woman: weaker in myself, yet ultimately stronger; more vulnerable, more mature, and a little wiser, thanks to His grace. (And much more emotional!)

Hello, new year. Ariel is ready for you. She has a King on her side who can handle anything you throw at her. So bring it on!

'Young' they call me

In the past seven days, I have grown up a lot.

In the months after Josh died, I felt like I did more growing up than the rest of my teenage years together. And I believe I did. But this past week I have grown up even more. Let me try to summarize it.

To find blessing out of what you thought was a curse. To be overcome by words you never thought you'd hear. To survive a plunge through darkness and come out whole. To accept what's broken, only because of your own frailty. To shatter your own pride enough to do something you never, ever would dare to. To share deep sorrow. To be open, vulnerable. To die. To live. To forgive. To love.

Yes. It has been a huge week.

But then, a few days ago, as I sat staring out at our wind-chimes... I realized I have my whole life ahead of me. Here I am, feeling as if I've felt every emotion there is to feel... and I'm only 19.

So sometimes I feel young, so young. So naive and sheltered. And then, on further reflection, I realize that I am so much less naive than I used to be. And I feel old. Childhood feels so far away. I feel like a woman, not a girl. And I am a woman, I am. Yet still I am young.

Perhaps, after all, there is no contradiction. Maybe I just like to have something to ponder about... hmm.

That being said, I will leave you to finish pondering it for me. I must move on to life... yes, life. Life is such a confusing thing sometimes. But in the end, it doesn't matter if it's confusing now, because whatever it is, it does have a purpose. God is quite intricately involved in things. It's a mystery, and an incredibly happy thought. Because he is so good. So, so good.

Hmm... I'm feeling dreadfully pondersome. But I said I would finish, so I will. Good day.

It's coming...

A couple nights ago our family went caroling downtown. I love our downtown – its so old-fashioned and small and downtowny. And I love how the alleyways are filled with shrubs, vines and little benches. But I digress. ;)

Our family sings four-part harmony, and we've learned some new Christmas tunes this year, so we went out in the freezing cold weather to carol to folks downtown. Just the four of us. Despite the fact that my nose, toes, chin and fingers were half-numb, I had a grand time. It's just that feeling … Let me try to describe it to you.

Heart high. Jacket snug. Deep breaths of cold, dry air. Happy faces. Seeing my breath as I sing.
Smiles, thanks from strangers. Dad's top hat. Singing louder, into the winter. Horse drawn carriage trots around corner. Tianna points. Smile, enjoy it.
Laugh.
Love.

Christmas is coming.

"In the good old days..."

I love elderly people. Seriously, they're amazing. It's almost as if they're a different type of people altogether. Maybe that's just because most of the people I talk with are either my age or my parents.

But old folks? They rock.

This revelation came to me when I joined the Rogue Gold Band, a jazz band in town comprising of a dozen or so elderly musicians - and me. Every Monday as I pack up my trombone into the trunk, I smile as I anticipate all the friendly smiles, corny puns, playful jokes, heartfelt compliments and warm laughter about to surround me. It's a beautiful break of every day life.

It almost seems to me like time slows down when I'm around these folks. They take life slower, and I'm pulled into the ease, pulled away from rushing and stressing. It's a time I dearly need.

Another thing I love about these people is that they've been through so much of life. That alone is really cool to think about - "Wow, she's been married, had kids, had grand-kids" - it sure makes me realize how much of life I have ahead of me. But the stories they have to tell! I think that's why they are often eager to talk. They own an array of beautiful and horrible experiences and are only too happy to share them.

You'd almost think that after so many years of life, these people would be perfect, fully matured and sanctified. But the truth is, they're sometimes unreasonable, overly sensitive, self-absorbed - just like us. It's a sober reminder that our sin nature will only be removed, by the grace of God, when we die. And it gives us all the more reason to be diligent in our pursuing the fruits of the spirit, never assuming we will just "be a better person" when we turn 21, or 25, or 40, or 90. Now, in essense, is the only time we have.

So. Go take a moment, and think about when you will be one of the "old folks". Will you look back on your life, on the days when you had boundless energy, and smile? Or wish you had used it in a wiser way?

Oh, and go talk to an elderly person. I guarantee they will make you smile.  :)