On sidewalks and thumb drives... (or, the sovereignty of God)

(This post is from early 2012. It's a bit silly, but kind of interesting.)

I was walking down the sidewalk with my family when my mom instructed my dad,"Switch places with Ariel so she's on the inside." It struck me in that moment how completely silly it all was. If this was my day to die, I'm going to die, whether or not I'm walking near the road or not.

Before I go any further I'd better make a disclaimer. Ahem. DISCLAIMER: I do not recommend putting yourself in stupidly dangerous situations. What is stupidly dangerous? Use your common sense.

But wait! You say. That's just what your mom meant, she was just using common sense. And I agree. Indeed, I actually began to walk on the farther side of the sidewalk. But inside, I figured it didn't really matter. Yes, I think there's a line not to cross, but there's no use in worrying. I guess that's my whole point. Yeah, put your money in the bank, but if it's in your drawer, don't worry about it. We can be careful, but it's silly to be overcautious. As if we can prevent anything God is going to do. I realize I sound very fatalistic. But I just can't see it very other way. Honestly, people. Let me give you a personal example.

I care very deeply about the stories I write. They are my brain, and I have worked on them for hours. And yet they are only on the miniscule gigabite of data on my harddrive. So I back them up onto a smaller drive, just in case my computer crashes. Is that silly? No. I think it's a natural and wise thing to do, because the chances are, someday my computer will crash.

Now, if I were to back it up onto several thumb drives in case my computer crashes -  one for my purse, and in case I lose my purse one for my mom's keychain, and in case she loses that one for my room, and in case the house burns down one in the safe deposit box, and in case an atomic bomb blows that up..... well, you get the point. It's just ridiculous.

Now someone might say "But what if your computer crashes and your (one) thumb drive falls in the toilet (thereby destroying it) in the same day?" And I usually say in response to these questions, "Then I guess I'd take that as a sign from God to stop writing for a while." I say it half in jest, but honestly, if I took precautions to ensure something's safety and God took it... well, I believe he would've taken it whatever I would have done. And yet that doesn't take away my responsibility to take care of it. I know that sounds contradictory but that's how we humans live! It's how God made us. Please tell me that makes sense...?

 If God doesn't want me to die today, I can do all sorts of crazy things and not get hurt. However, if I did such a thing, I probably would die. "Hey Ariel!" You say. "You can't say 'probably' - God's either gonna take you or he's not!" Right. But maybe the way he took me was by me doing a crazy thing because I wasn't using my common sense. That's not my point. My point is.......

(And, that's where it ended. I'm pretty sure my point was to be responsible, but not to worry. And I just said it in about 400 too many words...)

Where is Freedom?

Everyone wants the feeling of being free, but everyone is looking in the total wrong places. Tell me, what truly liberates?

Casual sex liberates, they say. It’s liberating to jump into bed with whoever you want whenever you want. It is restraining to have to wait until commitment, let alone marriage!

Throwing off the chains of submission to your husband is freeing, they say. Why should he make “all” the decisions and leave you in the shackles of not having control?

The “anything goes” mentality is liberating, they say. No right, no wrong, no rules for me… I’m free. (sound familiar?) To try to abide by a bunch of rules for life is absolute bondage.

Freedom is having no reigns. This is what we are told. Obviously that’s true in some very physical examples (say getting your leg out of a cast) but I have found in moral categories, the opposite seems to be true. It’s totally paradoxical but strangely true. Listen:

I have found immense freedom in waiting for intimacy until after the wedding. I have the freedom to love as best I can with no burden of performance, the need to impress so I won’t lose him. Instead we are left with a deep emotional bond that results in way better sex than a one-night-stand could ever come close to. (sorry to be blunt, but it’s downright true.)

I have found the same gorgeous taste of freedom when I choose to submit to my husband. Being “bound” by this vow I took on my marriage day is liberating. It is very freeing honestly, to just say “Okay” even when I don’t agree, because I don’t hold the responsibility for that decision.

I have found the most freedom in the “rules” God has set out for moral living. I put rules in quotations because as we know we are under grace, not the law. But what the Lord outlines in his word as precepts to live by results in a very freeing life where I am never under the chains of addiction and always free to enjoy because I am not weighed down by guilt.

We all know that the less choices there are, the more freedom there is. (Think about ordering and In N Out compared to Carls Jr. Which stresses you out more?) That’s just another reason why taking away all boundaries is absolutely devastating and brings nothing but bondage.

If I may bring up Elsa again from the ever-popular Frozen, her choice to let it go led to pain for others and intrinsically herself. She knew just throwing caution to the wind would not bring her true joy or satisfaction. Sure, it brought some instant gratification, but she was still chained by her fear. It was only through controlling her desires and urges that she found true peace and freedom.

I believe that analogy goes far in many instances. I hate that so many children sing that song when the song itself is not what led to her liberation, but in fact made her chains heavier. The lyrics holds that ever-present lie: when there are no rules, I’m free.

In the most ultimate sense, surrender to God is what produces the very purest form of liberation. We cannot find any true freedom while resisting the light yoke of our Creator. To try to be in in control all the time is an incredible bondage, and that weight is lifted when we give all to God. We just go with His flow. When you reach that place, oh how the freedom runs deep!

Why would a "loving" God .... ?

Lately I have been thinking about how many people struggle with depression. That constant feeling that there's no purpose. Having not even an ounce of drive, and just feeling so utterly listless that it would drive you crazy except you.just.don't.care.

I've been there. It's so paralyzing. There's no kind words you can say to get someone out of that. It's beyond human. Positive thinking is really great and often works wonders, but it can't touch this state. And that's really humbling. I couldn't do a thing to get myself out of that, I really couldn't. Bring me all the ice cream in the world, it honestly didn't help. My friends were praying for me, it honestly didn't help. Even me praying didn't help. I didn't usually feel any better after talking to God. This was scary, too. He was supposed to be there to get me out of this, but he wasn't.

At the crux of it, I found that I couldn't control God. Elementary, I know. But listen: I couldn't use him. He wasn't a genie, or magic solution -  I could pray to him and feel absolutely 0% different.
That's not what I had come to expect. If you're not going to take this away, Lord, at least show me you're there.

And then I realized, he didn't have to respond. He had already given me what I needed in that time. The truth. That he loved me, more than I could fathom. He did not, on the other hand, ever promise to make me feel better.The hard reality is, God does what he wants. And what he "wants" is the ultimate plan of the universe. That plan is a love story.

"Well if he loved us, he would show it by revealing himself to us, to give us hope." To be blunt, well ... that's what you think. God apparently has a slightly different definition of love. His love is so great and unknowable. His love lets us experience some incredibly difficult and downright agonizing times. To our human understanding of love this doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Yes, we know that tough times make people stronger - but I'm talking REAL horrific things here. Worse than depression. How can we sit here and believe that God just allows or even sovereignly ordains that?

I am treading on some extremely difficult ground right here. Most of you reading this have experienced a horrible valley, probably worse than mine. For a long time I felt I could never say these truths - about God's sovereign love - to people going through deep valleys. But I can't hold back. The truth is the truth, no matter if it offends or makes someone feel bad. If I'm offending you right now, please don't stop reading yet.

EVERYTHING works together for good for those who love Him and are called according to his purposes. I know you've heard that verse a million and a half times. Read it again. Grasp what it means. This is not some lame promise - this is a rock solid foundation to build your entire life upon. God LOVES. His love does the strangest things. The most painful things. And do not forget: His love heals the pain and makes clear the strangeness (though usually not until we transfer to the greater Life).

God is not defined (thank the Lord!) by our human concepts of love. His love let the most kind, wise and good man you can imagine, suffer for hours in a excruciating, gruesome death. And let me add, he didn't only let that happen. He planned it. This kind of suffering is the epitome of "not fair" and the opposite of love to most of our brains. Imagine with me for a moment that the story stopped there. Our whole lives we were left with the most cruel, un-loving thing planned by the God who created us, and there was nothing to but 1; reject this "god" and say he is utterly unloving, or 2; fall on your face before him, cry that you don't understand, and give him your utter trust. That's literally all we can do. It's okay to cry. It's okay to be angry, even. But is necessary to trust Him.

We know the end of that story. The resurrection of our Savior and how the pain was not for nothing, but for his full glory and the redemption of his chosen bride. But we don't usually know the end of our stories while we're right in the middle of them.

Honestly, the most true and best advice I know to give is this: don't try to understand it. Give up trying to figure God out. We can't. He's infinitely too beyond us. The more you try to put what is happening and what you are feeling into human terms the more unfair it will seem and harder it will be to focus on TRUTH. Just trust.

Expectations

Ohhh I have such a love/hate relationship with expectations

I don't have any kind of solution in this post, just so you know. It's just be venting and frustrated. Haha. Seriously though. If you can help me, please do.

I know I shouldn't have expectations. But for the life of me I cannot figure out how NOT to. We plan a date night. Stephen gets called in to work that evening. Expectation = dashed. But it wasn't wrong of me to expect and look forward to the date was it?

This happens all the time. At least with books and movies I've learned to expect nothing from them, but in real life.... that's just different. I'm not sure how. I wish I knew! But every time something doesn't go according to plan, I have a hard time with it. I try to be flexible but I can't help looking forward to things.

Granted, I'm always OK later, but the initial onset of emotions when I find out is unsettling. I suppose by now I should be used to my emotions, but they make me feel at their mercy and I know that's not true. Gosh that is a whole post by itself.

Anyhow. Then there's the party expectation. I expect to go to this event and have a good time. Or, I expect to have coffee with my friend and it's going to be edifying. When those are disappointed it's the same thing. I kick myself for creating these expectations. But I didn't even mean to create them!

My husband has a special power. He can not create expectations. I'm not sure how he does it. Maybe it's part of being even keel and carefree. Hmmmmm....

So yeah. That's it. Just a rant, like I said. Anyone else have issues with this or is it just me?

Thoughts on Vlogging

I realize not very many people read this blog, but if you do please take a moment and give me your input. For some reason I have really felt like I should start a vlog. I know there are pros and cons to the video world vs. the written blog world, but I feel like it would be a good fit for me, and I've never done it, so why not?

Leave a quick comment and tell me if you watch any vlogs and why. I'd love to hear! :D

(Whoah. Shortest post in a long time, folks...)

This blog will continue

It's been almost a year since my last post on this blog. I half-regret that, and half don't. Here's why.

Let's pretend your sister has a baby. And you see her a lot (your sister, that is). To your eyes, you never really see the baby grow. If you look back at a picture from months ago, then you can see the growth, but otherwise you never notice it because you see the child so often.

Now imagine you also have an acquaintance that has a baby. You only see this acquaintance once or twice a year. When you see that baby 8 months later you can definitely see a difference!

So I liken this blog to the latter experience. Re-reading posts and analyzing has shown me how much I have changed. And you haven't seen that change. You are the acquaintance finally seeing my baby again. You may not notice the change then, until I begin writing on these topics again. 

Honestly, I don't know how often that will be. My life has changed a lot since my last "real life and not just philosophical" post. I've been married almost 1 1/2 years and started and ended things in my life.. in short I am a different person. Still Ariel. But a little more grown up perhaps.

For instance, my last post. The feminism-ish one. I'm not sure I'd agree with everything I said. The post is a bit narrow-minded, I am rather doing a straw man fallacy on the feminism argument (if you don't know what straw man is, look it up. People do it ALL. THE. TIME.) I still am technically "against" feminism but I've been learning to see things from more sides. I don't want to turn you off by sounding boastful - you already know all growth in me is because of the Lord - but it is something I am so thankful for. 

I never realized that I was narrow-minded. Now I look back and it's so plain as day. Being open-minded doesn't mean I agree with everything. Heavens. It means I don't shoot down everything that doesn't align with my opinions. I analyze it. I consider it. I try to understand it. I have another post brewing about this in detail so I won't go into too much detail.

Point is, I'm not ashamed of who I was but I am glad I have grown. Gosh though, now everywhere I look on the internet all I see is narrow minds. Even those whom might be considered "open-minded" (like agnostics or the world-peace folks) I have found are equally as closed as the legalistic. All people want to do is flaunt their opinion. Honestly, am I any different? I'd like to think so but I'm afraid it's a rather human tendency. Still, we can do our best to work at understanding things and make ourselves more intelligent than before. That is what I am aiming to do.

To close I would apologize for the very long hiatus, but I know most of you didn't even miss me. ;) Except you, my friend, you know who you are - who said "so, is your deep-thoughts blog over?" and spurred me into writing this post. 

As always, thank you for reading. Blessings!

History-makers... playing Second Fiddle

I was reading this article about how half of viking warriors seem to have been women, and came across this quote. "It’s been so difficult for people to envision women’s historical contributions as solely getting married and dying in childbirth."


Read that again.


Note that the only worth in your life is obviously your contribution to the world and to history. You, as a woman, are only a wife and mother? That's it? What a let-down to society! What a loss for history. You didn't make a contribution to the world, just sat at home, stuck in your women's world. Heck, that's just about as worthless as it gets.


Okay, forgive my sarcasm. But as I pondered this outrageous statement I realized it all stems from the pressure our culture inundates us with to be the top dog, if you will. We have little respect for the second-fiddles, those who work behind the scenes. Even movie directors get way less press and fame than their actors and actresses. Why? Because they played the visible roles. They were the VIPs.


It isn't always true, but oftentimes the unseen workers are responsible for making the stars and heroes great. Think of the slaves rowing the warships in ancient times. They didn't get a speck of the glory -- but it couldn't have been done without them. A singer is just a guy with a guitar on YouTube without his producer, band, agent, sound-mixer and marketers.


Look, I totally understand why everyone wants to be the visible one who gets all the glory. That's human nature. But why does our culture have to add to the pressure by making us feel like we're not making anything of ourselves if we are the back-up singers for the American Idol, the rowers in the belly of the conquerors ship, the lunch cooks for the cast of the blockbuster.


I'm all for the supporters. The ones who aren't applauded or hailed as heroes. And the very crux of all of those backstage workers is a wife and mother. I'd be so bold as to say she may make even more of a change than those champions. Because most all of the men who made such a difference in the world were reared by loving mothers and supported by strong wives. Who gets credit in the history books? The men. Who worked year after year, 24/7, to support and care for these world-changers? The women.


I'm never going to be somebody big. I'm not going to be a movie star, or the next Mother Theresa, or even ever perform on Broadway. I'll probably never have my books published. I doubt I will make any kind of mark on the history books. But that doesn't make me worthless. You hear that, World? Stop telling me that by being a stay-at-home mom I'm wasting my life and not making a contribution. I'm making the most important contribution I can possibly make by investing into the lives of my husband, children and family.


I'm not saying that women can't be visible world-changers. That's great! It's just that most of them will be invisible world-changers, and I think that is just as great. I only hope that our culture will learn to respect the hundreds of women throughout the ages whose hard work earns just as much applause as their husband's and sons' does.

Man and Wife

Greetings.

I'm MARRIED!

Isn't he handsome? Yes, I know I am ridiculously lucky. The greatest thing is that the handsomest part of him is his enormous heart.

It's been a whirlwind adjusting to married life - much different than either of us expected. Some things are easy, we adjust seamlessly. Others are hard. REALLY hard. And it takes time, and tears, to figure out. The best part of it is that we're not alone, we're in this together. So now, after a month of marriage, I find myself in awe of what the future holds. In one month we've been through so much and grown ever closer. What will one year - or fifty! - do to us?

I can't wait.

I'll leave you with a little something I wrote yesterday...

I sit here at work, thinking about his eyes. His deep, grateful eyes. So often they stare at me with something of a praise, an adoration. He considers himself the recipient of a grand gift that he is not worthy of. It's those eyes that look into me and melt any pride or selfishness that may have rested within me. Isn't it fascinating, that adoration from the beloved causes humility rather than vanity?

And there are other things I dwell on. The presence of him. Of when I snuggle against him: the presence of his jaw above me, shoulder beside me and chest beneath me. Together they make this stronghold, where no fear can penetrate. Then there is his warmth, the arms that wrap about me in love. So firmly, so gently. The soft tender kisses full of all beautiful things, warmth and light and passion and joy. 

Oh the quiet joy! It fills me as I sit here, at my computer, in a small cubicle in a cold commercial building filled with bored, listless people. I am in love. No longer is it the spring love, the eager anticipation and daydreaming. We have been satisfied; we are complete now. Our love is now the broad, gently rolling ocean, where once it was a playful splashing river. We have traded anticipation for fulfillment. Both beautiful, but the inevitable trade was in our favor. We have gained a sea of love - quieter, yes, but ever more deep. We have the boundless depths of each other to search through, some places jagged and rough, some gentle, and lovelier than we had dreamed.

These are the thoughts that fill my mind. They seem poetic, but we are ever so normal together. When I see him later today he will smile and I will kiss him. We will go grocery shopping and head home to plop our stuff on the table, read the mail and talk about our days. It all sounds so ordinary. But everyday life becomes a joy when it is permeated with love. No, I do not always choose to see that love. Sourness easily commandeers my attitude. 

But then I see those eyes. Deep, grateful, adoring. And I melt, falling into that warm ocean. There is no time, no room for complaints and pettiness. I dive in to explore the depths.

A Gift Given

I can't write poetry.
I can't ryhme. No matter how
hard
I
try
it all comes out like the corniest thing you've ever seen.
Like what you were forced to write
in middle school.

But I need to
somehow
express the glory that has been given to me.
I wanted to use a poem, but I failed
miserably
so I'm going to just tell you
not so fancy.
Just words.

Love
I'm still learning what it means
but it is
I'm afraid
too beautiful to grasp in a word.
It's more than wanting what's best for someone
more than wanting to be with them every moment
more than wanting them to succeed so badly
that you cry for them
hurt for them
cheer for them
pray for them and never stop
even when the happy feeling in your stomach that you always have
goes away
because they're not perfect.

Neither are you.

This is what I'm learning of love.
This is one of those things that together make up this glory I spoke of.
that I am allowed to experience the beauty and the hurt
of love
and that I am gifted with his love
and gifted with love for him.

And that is the beginning
because I have grown up in love.
These two dear individuals who have cared for me
for two decades
have hurt for me
cheered for me
prayed for me
And I have learned to do the same for them.

The world is so full of pain
twisted things
so full of envy and pride and greed and
hatred
especially for oneself
that love can rarely survive.
I know I am one of the few who have it
whole
and not twisted.
Not perfect
no.
But so pure.

Why me?
I have asked that question before
regarding anguish.
Why was it given to me?
Now I ask it
regarding
love.
Why was it given to me?
Why was the glory of love in it's blooming beauty
bestowed upon such a small
insignificant
normal
human
as
I.
Why.

I have no answer save this truth:

I am loved.

And that great Love that has chosen to give to me
more than I could ever deserve.
There is no explanation
save Love.

I now
rejoice
that my love
will keep blooming
as time goes on and on
moreso with every day with him
and oh!
that is too much for me to bear.

But I can't write poems.
And you are most likely
very tired
by this choppy bit of writing here.
So I will stop
and leave you with the great mystery
and glory.

It is worth pondering.

- Ariel J | January 2014

Resolved to be in Awe

By Clyde Kilby (read the original post here)

1. At least once every day I shall look steadily up at the sky and remember that I, a consciousness with a conscience, am on a planet traveling in space with wonderfully mysterious things above and about me.

2. Instead of the accustomed idea of a mindless and endless evolutionary change to which we can neither add nor subtract, I shall suppose the universe guided by an Intelligence which, as Aristotle said of Greek drama, requires a beginning, a middle, and an end. I think this will save me from the cynicism expressed by Bertrand Russell before his death when he said: "There is darkness without, and when I die there will be darkness within. There is no splendor, no vastness anywhere, only triviality for a moment, and then nothing."

3. I shall not fall into the falsehood that this day, or any day, is merely another ambiguous and plodding twenty-four hours, but rather a unique event, filled, if I so wish, with worthy potentialities. I shall not be fool enough to suppose that trouble and pain are wholly evil parentheses in my existence, but just as likely ladders to be climbed toward moral and spiritual manhood.

4. I shall not turn my life into a thin, straight line which prefers abstractions to reality. I shall know what I am doing when I abstract, which of course I shall often have to do.

5. I shall not demean my own uniqueness by envy of others. I shall stop boring into myself to discover what psychological or social categories I might belong to. Mostly I shall simply forget about myself and do my work.

6. I shall open my eyes and ears. Once every day I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, or a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery of what Lewis calls their "divine, magical, terrifying and ecstatic" existence.

7. I shall sometimes look back at the freshness of vision I had in childhood and try, at least for a little while, to be, in the words of Lewis Carroll, the "child of the pure unclouded brow, and dreaming eyes of wonder."

8. I shall follow Darwin's advice and turn frequently to imaginative things such as good literature and good music, preferably, as Lewis suggests, an old book and timeless music.

9. I shall not allow the devilish onrush of this century to usurp all my energies but will instead, as Charles Williams suggested, "fulfill the moment as the moment." I shall try to live well just now because the only time that exists is now.

10. Even if I turn out to be wrong, I shall bet my life on the assumption that this world is not idiotic, neither run by an absentee landlord, but that today, this very day, some stroke is being added to the cosmic canvas that in due course I shall understand with joy as a stroke made by the architect who calls himself Alpha and Omega.

Image credit: Ben Canales.

Define: Courtship

Ladies and gentlemen, now that I am officially in a courtship, I thought I might try to clear up all of the confusion surrounding the word.

(it's from the movie Emma. And has nothing to do with the rest of the post really.)

courtship [ˈkɔːtʃɪp]

noun

        1. the act or art of seeking the affections of a woman; wooing
        2. the period during which such wooing takes place

        Cool. Sounds nice and old-fashioned. But this word has become so common among the homeschool subculture that it's lost its meaning altogether. When you hear a couple is “courting,” what does that mean? Arranged marriage for the 21^st century? Awkward dating with both parents watching constantly? Or just Christians doing the same bf/gf thing as everyone else – but with a reformed name?

        All those things may be named courtship, but to me, courtship is really only one thing: a relationship between a man and woman seeking to determine God's will in their future, while protecting each other and honoring their parents. It's really about the principles, because every courtship is different.

        When my sister started a courtship, it was new ground for us. Sure, we'd read tons of books about courting and watched sermons about purity – goodness, we'd even listen to long tapes during car trips on the topic – but then we would hear “every courtship is different,” leaving us basically on our own to create this thing called courtship for our own family.

        Thank goodness.

        We thought the rules applied to everyone. Rules about timing, stages, and even as specific as physical boundaries. But we learned that the most important thing about courtship is that it is very different for every couple. Everything is different because the people are different.

        Some last a couple months, some a couple years. Some involve heavy parental oversight, some little. Some couples know each other for years before-hand, while some hardly at all when the courtship begins.

        I cannot place enough importance on being willing to make adjustments to your picture of the “perfect courtship” because of your situation. It's really okay! Still there are basic essentials. Here are the basic Principles of courtship. (I capitalized the P because the 3 essentials start with Ps... clever, I know...)

1. Purposeful intent
2. Purity valued
3. Parental involvement

        So first, purposeful intent. This is mostly to shield against the culture-condoned practice of dating for fun, or to “just get to know” without serious interest in marriage. Because this is done in a environment that promotes romantic feelings, the fear is that it leads to emotional attachment (which is usually true) and then to heartbreak. Yes, we know heartbreak isn't the end of the world, and it can be a great growth process, but it's generally way more efficient to get to know people outside of a romantic context. A courtship is always looking toward marriage as a hopeful goal. (Not a definite goal. That's called “engagement.” And yes, that was sarcastic.)

        Purposeful also means you wait until the young people are ready to begin a courtship. It is not an easy out for two infatuated young people to have a romantic relationship even though they're not anywhere near marriage – but oh, it's okay because we're courting. Shall I quote Song of Solomon? Don't start things until the two people are ready for things to be started.

        I tend to put prominence on maturity. Yes, a job is important; yes, knowledge of house-keeping is important; but knowing how to sacrifice and be vulnerable and being ready to enter the extremely hard puzzle that marriage is: this is most crucial. At least to me.

        Now, with each of these principles, some people go overboard. For instance: Waiting until they're ready, to some people, means the man must already be ready to support a wife and three children before he asks to court anyone. (I only exaggerated a little, actually. Sadly.) While financial stability is important, it may not be a reason for delaying courtship. Neither may age be. Usually, a courtship of two 17-year-olds isn't the wisest thing, but sometimes it works! It is different for everyone. I know of a couple who had a long but blessed courtship that began when they were about that age. They are married now and so glad they could do all of those years of growing side by side. It definitely does not work for everyone, but don't rule it out as impossible. Please.

        Now on to number 2. Purity valued. Purity is probably the most enormous focus in courtship talks/books. It doesn't just mean physical. Emotional purity is one of the most-talked-about topics for young women. "Emotional purity" actually isn't the best wording (discretion would be better) because it implies it is something that can be lost and never regained (more on that later). But emotional discretion is really important, especially for girls, and especially when they're young. Do not be reckless with your love, or foolish with your thoughts. Remember, the heart determines the course of the life. (Psalm 4:23, NLT) And as far as physical purity, God commands it.

        Now, how some go overboard. Does it surprise you that the day I realized kissing before marriage isn't a sin was not very long ago? Okay, it's not as if I consciously thought it was, but my subculture so valued “saving” your kiss for your wedding day that I was secretly judging anyone who didn't. Until I realized it wasn't actually any kind of moral failing – it was just a wise idea. First kiss at the altar is a very good idea for keeping physical purity. But please remember that it's not a sin to decide not to. (Decide being an important word. “It just happened” when you planned to save it for the big day is a different issue. Set your boundaries and keep them.)

        And on the emotional side of things... oh boy. Ladies, please hear me out. If you fall in love with a man, and end up not marrying him, it is okay. It will not make you less pure, leaving you partially defiled on your wedding day. You do not leave a part of your heart with that first man that you can never give to your husband. Yes, you might always remember him, perhaps with regret – but no matter how many times you fall in love, you will always have all your heart to give your true love.

        I say this not to encourage you to fall in love, but to hearten those who have done so, wisely or not. Too much pressure on guarding your heart will make you afraid of taking the steps needed to create that deep relationship vital in a courtship. I am writing a post about my own experience facing that choice of vulnerability, and what I discovered about keeping my heart in a courtship. Stay tuned for that.        

        So that's all I can say for now without being utterly-way-too-long. Guarding your heart is good, very good, but please don't take it overboard. It's damaging to your relationship with your future husband.

        Last but not least, number 3: Parental involvement. This is probably the principle you will have the hardest time finding in the dating world. In fact, you don't even find it much in engagement. But courtshipers (I think I made up that word) find it very important. Basically, this includes the woman's father “checking out” the young man, setting boundaries for the courtship, and just being involved in the whole process.

        I love this. I really love it. First, it gives the father the honor he deserves. Second, it deepens and strengthens relationships between parent and child, as you talk openly about this very personal issue. And third, O young ones, your parents aren't perfect, but they've got some great advice. They've been through this. While you may feel like you know way more about this situation, take a humility pill and realize that you've got a lot to learn. Besides, you're probably not quite in your right mind as there is some amazing person interested in you. Just sayin'.

        And the best part about giving your parents authority in your relationship is that they just might hand it back. Say hello to the power of trust. This has been one of the biggest blessings in my own courtship. My man and I have been given a lot of trust in some areas, and as a result, we have an even greater desire to prove trustworthy! There is an incredible empowerment that comes with being trusted, and it is a great maturity-builder for young adults who may or may not deserve it, but will strive to earn it.

        How do some go overboard with this? By making the rules too strict. By closing the gate too tight. By not trusting the couple enough, so that they jump over the gate, because they felt it would never open. Enough said.

        Also,  it is difficult to say what the level of authority a father should have on rejecting a suitor. This is one I can't say a black and white answer on, because the situation is always different.

        However, in almost every situation I can say that is very important to give the couple time alone. I used to think in courtship, there was always someone right there, watching and listening. Wow. What a way to develop a relationship. In all seriousness, third wheels are great – but to have a truly real and deep relationship, some things must be between 2 people only, and not shared with the parents or anyone else. That is the nature of relationships, and especially one as intimate as this one is meant to become.

      ...Please forgive me, I'm going to say just a little bit more about rules (even though I said "Enough said.") Don't misunderstand me - rules are wonderful things. They can often be legalistic or too harsh, but in general they are great. My whole life, we always had the rule: "No riding in the car alone with a guy." Even when neither of us were remotely interested in each other and it was just for convenience - it didn't matter. We had a rule, and we kept it. Did this get annoying sometimes? Yes. Did it hurt me? No. Really, it's okay to put up with rules that don't always make sense. Better to be safe than sorry.

        So those are the 3 principles that I believe make courtship different from dating. Before I'm finished though, I must state something rather important. And that is this: dating can be God-glorifying.

        This should be obvious, but to those in my circle, it's not. People, listen: Dating couples actually aren't stupid. (Gasp!) They oftentimes date with purpose, and in some form or other, value purity. It's true. And on the other hand, some don't. Those types are so scandalous that we decide all dating is like that and therefore “bad.” It is unfortunately common to find pro-courtship-ers making generalizations about daters, because the large percentage of them are all one way. Check out this quote from Stacey McDonald.

        “Dating is random, while courtship is deliberate; in dating, the goal is romance, while with courtship, the goal is marriage; dating leaves the couple unprotected, while courtship protects the young couple; dating is an unnatural setting of perpetual recreation, but courtship creates a natural setting of real life and family...”

        Do you see the stereotyping? Courting couples can be very unprotected if they make unwise choices, while dating couples can choose to put up boundaries for themselves. It's about the principles, not the name. Let me say it again. It is the principles within the relationship that determine whether it glorifies God or not. Dating can be totally fine.

        And what do I mean by “dating?” Going on dates. Spending time one-on-one developing a deeper relationship. Doing fun things together. Doing hard things together. Dating doesn't have to equal fornication and broken hearts. Just as courtship doesn't have to equal purity and protection. Whichever way you go, if you make the Bible the core of your relationship's principles, you're good to go. It's okay to do things different than the next guy. It really is.

        Thanks for reading. Sorry this ended up so long, but hopefully it's been somewhat helpful. Go date/court to the glory of God!

To Crucify Your Maker

Can you imagine? Can you even begin to feel the kind of horror, sickness, and shock that came upon the Roman soldiers who realized... they have just brutally murdered the very Son of God.

The One who made them. The One who gave them the voices they used to wound his spirit; the hands they used to wound his ravaged body. The One who is suffocating on that piece of wood to save their dead souls.

And they tortured him to death.

Listen.

What is this that we have done? I cannot forgive or forget it.

Just another crucifixion... an ordinary moment.
Before God tore open the sky. And their souls.

Can the silence erase the memory? Can we ever forget this... can we just cover up what we have done...?

They kept quite. The only way to hide. (See Matthew 28:11-15)

Pray for the day when the truth will make us pay...

The day of judgment. "What have you done to My Son?" Only the very blood that they shed can redeem their shame and guilt.

The silence has become the end of us.

The sickening silence after His lungs and heart gave up the struggle for life. After the sky was darkned and the earth shook. After the Man cried out his last breath... and was gone.

"...The centurion, and they that were with him, watching Jesus... feared greatly, saying,
'Truly, this was the Son of God.'"

Changing, growing, learning...

This is a quote I like. From a fictional book.

      "But now, although I am still young in years, I am no longer young in understanding. I have loved and suffered. I have discovered that the sun still shines without him, that the wind still blows, and that there is poetry still in life, though I have found it where least I looked for it. I have learned to look beneath the surface of things, and now, I believe, that the differences that lie between us are a good, rather than an evil, for you have a great deal to show me; not just picnics and parties, enjoyable as they are, but matters of deeper import, too. 
      ...I have been born to an extraordinary fate, have I not?"

-- Marianne Dashwood

'Young' they call me

In the past seven days, I have grown up a lot.

In the months after Josh died, I felt like I did more growing up than the rest of my teenage years together. And I believe I did. But this past week I have grown up even more. Let me try to summarize it.

To find blessing out of what you thought was a curse. To be overcome by words you never thought you'd hear. To survive a plunge through darkness and come out whole. To accept what's broken, only because of your own frailty. To shatter your own pride enough to do something you never, ever would dare to. To share deep sorrow. To be open, vulnerable. To die. To live. To forgive. To love.

Yes. It has been a huge week.

But then, a few days ago, as I sat staring out at our wind-chimes... I realized I have my whole life ahead of me. Here I am, feeling as if I've felt every emotion there is to feel... and I'm only 19.

So sometimes I feel young, so young. So naive and sheltered. And then, on further reflection, I realize that I am so much less naive than I used to be. And I feel old. Childhood feels so far away. I feel like a woman, not a girl. And I am a woman, I am. Yet still I am young.

Perhaps, after all, there is no contradiction. Maybe I just like to have something to ponder about... hmm.

That being said, I will leave you to finish pondering it for me. I must move on to life... yes, life. Life is such a confusing thing sometimes. But in the end, it doesn't matter if it's confusing now, because whatever it is, it does have a purpose. God is quite intricately involved in things. It's a mystery, and an incredibly happy thought. Because he is so good. So, so good.

Hmm... I'm feeling dreadfully pondersome. But I said I would finish, so I will. Good day.

The Path

That is what I will call it.

The Path stands before us humans. It leads through dark, light, beautiful, murky, sharp, smooth, difficult and serene. This path has been written about so much that everyone is sure they know it by heart. But they are all wrong. It is much, much harder and much more beautiful than they think.

Some approach it with much caution. Perhaps too much, because they are afraid. They are afraid of injury. They are afraid to put all of their energy into climbing up the hills because the view at the top just might not be worth it. Worst of all, they could fall, and then be both injured and greatly drained of precious energy.
Some of these mask their fear with piety. They claim that those rough cliffs and steep ravines and raging rivers don't need to be traversed through at all. "After all," they say, "only the fool-hardy would rush into un-needed dangers such as these."
How blind they are. Do they expect the hills to just level out for them? Yet deep down inside, they have just as much fear as those who don't mask it.

Before you scorn these people altogether, let me tell you that they are right to be wary of the danger. Their caution is good, for they could very well be deeply wounded. Their mistake lies in their conclusion about the danger - whatever is on the other side is not worth the risk of getting there.

So let us see what these fearful people do. Before they even take a step, they take account of the risks and purpose to avoid them. Then they begin, walking along delicately, not wanting their feet to get dirty. At the first sign of a danger, they stop. "I could be injured badly," they say, "Therefore, I will be wise and guard my life."

Therefore, they do not live. They miss the excitement of getting dirty, fording the river and trekking up the hill to see the majestic mountain peaks and rambling meadows and deep dark forests. They miss the pain and sorrow of injury, but they gain the sorrow of never having seen anything. They do not die, but they do not live.

So they turn around, walk back and look for another path which they hope will not hold these dangers. But they will not find that. You cannot see anything beautiful without risk. So they will either continue searching forever, in an endless, fruitless circle... or become so frustrated that they bitterly give up ... or finally realize that perhaps, after all, the risk might be worth it.

Then there are other types.
There are the sort who are bold and wild and reckless. They are afraid of nothing. They run along the path, tripping and scraping themselves up - oh, but it is so worth it! They feel everything to the fullest. They dive headlong into the stream, they climb the rugged cliff with abandon -

And they fall.

Suddenly they are broken and in pain. Their energy is spent. They can hardly walk on their injured legs. Angry and sorrowful, they crawl into a little cave to mourn their loss. And they will either sit their forever, just as bitter as the meek ones... or they will one day raise their head, stand on their shaky legs, and find the courage to enter the world again.

These wild ones were wounded before they had hardly seen anything. Why? Because they were afraid of nothing. The dangers were real and they disregarded that fact for the sheer thrill. Therefore, they did live - but the constant pain they now endure was not worth the short amount of freedom and abandon.

So what are we to conclude? Both types are unwise in different ways. Therefore, let us follow the meek one, who is slowly becoming more courageous - who decides to take a risk after all - or, if you'd like, the bold broken one who is finally ready to attempt the journey again, though with much more care.

They approach a river. It is rushing, fast. The meek one feels herself start to tremble. Can she really do this? Yes, she must, if she can find a way. The bold one easily pictures himself jumping in like he would've done before... but no, he must think this through.
So they walk along the path until they find a place where it narrows. Here, with a very big jump, one could make it across. It is not entirely safe; no that it can never be. But it is considerably wiser, realizes the bold one, than trying to jump across where he was before. It simply took a little longer walk. No, it was still a risk, but one that could be accomplished.

The meek one whispers a prayer. The bold one backs up to get a running start. And then they jump.

The bold one stands panting, on the other side. He is a bit scratched, but he doesn't notice. The thrill of the jump washes over him and he grins. Then he turns and jogs through the forest, which is becoming more and more beautiful with every step.
The meek one stands slowly, in awe. Was that all? Yes, it was frightening... but now it was over, and look. Look at the beautiful golden forest ahead of her. Tears rise to her eyes as she realizes she's finally where she's always dreamed of being. It was so worth the risk.
And as for the bold one... he too is taking a moment to take it all in. It breathtakingly gorgeous - so much moreso than the quick glances he got at beauty during his former days of rashness. It was worth the caution.

And so the tale ends. Not with perfection, but with resolve. The path continues. More wounds, challenges and sweeping sights wait for the travelers. But they are ready now. With God's help, they are ready.

The path is not for the faint of heart. Neither is it for the reckless.

It is for those who note the risk, say a prayer, and take it on. With fear, perhaps, but with determination and wisdom. And there lies is a thrill you can't afford to miss.

Trust me.

Read this.

I think this is the first time I've done this.... but go read this. It's brilliant.

waywardfancies.blogspot.com/2012/08/to-tame-idea.html

Swallowed up in Life

"Hello, this is Ariel being random. It's July 14, on the roof again. Only this time I'm watching the most incredible sunrise. WOW. I don't even want to look down at this page.

There's golden light, magical, glowing, thick around around the mountain where the sun is peaking. As I look around, I see it creeping onto various places, graciously sharing its glory. A leaf here, a branch there, a fence, a chimney - all bathed in miraculous gold light.

Oh! It has reached me. Now I can hardly look at the sun! Hmm. I just closed my eyes, and imagined being wrapped up in the sun's rays. Taking it on as my own, letting it encompass me in its magnificence, and warmth... being swallowed up by beauty, light and joy... yet not losing myself. Only becoming more myself. Taking the beaming light as my own, yet never diminishing the source. What a glorious thought! 

And all the more thrilling when I think that this will truly happen to me! I can hardly wait, but it feels like I will have to wait a lifetime until that happens. Perhaps I will, but yet one of my dear friends has already experienced it! What glory. What a wordlessly overwhelming, passionate, exhilarating experience. Thank you, Jesus, for making it mine! How blessed I am, how undeserving. To be swallowed up in Life... I shall yearn for the day all my life."

...

"For we know that if the tent that is our earthly home is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens. ² For in this tent we groan, longing to put on our heavenly dwelling, ³ if indeed by putting it on we may not be found naked. ⁴ For while we are still in this tent, we groan, being burdened—not that we would be unclothed, but that we would be further clothed, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life." (2 Cor 5:1-4)

Oh glorious day ... what more can I say? 

Photo by Anne Mikael Photography

Seeing the Face of GOD

(as you read this, play this song.)


Ever thought about it? Not much? Yeah, me neither.

Funny.

There is basically nothing better. Everything beautiful that we see, whether it be a brilliant red rose, a pair of piercing eyes, a snow-capped mountain or a intricately-carved cathedral ... it's not even worth comparing. Shouldn't we at least be excited about it? Ponder it once or twice a week, at least? It it a lack of imagination? Why don't we desire it? Frankly, what on earth is our problem?!

I think we'd like to say it's because we can't imagine it. At first thought, it sounds perfectly true - "I have no idea what God's face would look like!"

Tell me. Have you never seen anything truly beautiful? Never looked up at the sky when it holds a full moon, watched a sunset from your roof, seen the foaming ocean, or beheld deep love in someone's eyes? The world is pulsing with beauty. Every single one of those things is like a little bit of God. What if we could combine all the gorgeous things we could think of into one single intensely beautiful thing? It would be unbelievably stunning. We'd probably hardly be able to look at it. The face of the one who created beauty itself will be a thousand times more breath-taking. In fact I think I'd drop dead right then and there from sheer awe. It's not wonder God says that no one can see him and live.

So then, perhaps it is possible to imagine it, albeit to a very small extent. I'm going to challenge myself to this, and you as well: the next time you see something gorgeous, stop and think, "Hey ... someday I'm going to behold the face of God, and it is going to be like this, only more incredible."

You know, Faces are one of the most beautiful things on earth. Especially the eyes. It's what we think at the first thought of a person. The face. So how about God's face? The most intimate, emotional, personal part of him... ah, I'm blowing my mind.

But I'm not done yet. You know, sights are beautiful, but what about emotions, music, or even sensations? Yeah, seeing something mind-blowing would be awesome, but what about the other senses? Why should seeing something be the biggest bang?

Well God is the creator of all those other senses, isn't he? God is not just a sight. In fact, that's all we don't do here on Earth - see him. We can hear him in a beautiful symphony, we feel him in a hug. I've posted about this before, but when I get a strong emotion, it's one of the closet things to describing God for me. He is much more than sight. On Earth, things are disconnected. A sunset has no music. A feeling has no sight. A touch has no sound. But in Heaven? I bet it's all packaged together.

So let's add to our picture. Let's add the sound of thunderous fireworks echoing off surrounding mountains, and a beautiful, soaring voice singing. The roar of the ocean. The rich softness of a cello. A chorus of birds. The majesty of Zimmer's "Run Free."

Now the touch. A soft, fuzzy blanket. The exhilarating shock of falling into cold water. A lover's gentle caress. Sand between your fingers. Wind in your hair.

How about taste and smell? I'm pretty sure seeing the face of God has never been likened to enjoying a fresh, hot piece of pizza ... but that's a pleasurable sensation! Or a cold drink running down your throat. How about the smell of lilacs, or of rain?

And now emotions. The quiet and effortlessly warm feeling of joy and the flying, spinning feeling of bliss. Heart-pounding adrenaline. The wild, fresh, reckless feeling of standing on a roof in a storm.

Are you looking forward to seeing the face of God yet?

In 1 Timothy it says God"dwells in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see." Wow. Okay, I have to admit that gets me excited. Can't you just imagine that swirling, exploding, pulsating, cacophonous flow of light emanating from and encompassing Him? Incandescent, blinding, searing. Nothing less will do, for the King of kings. People, this is huge. This is the experience to top all others. In the words of Randy Alcorn, not only will we see his face and live...

We will likely wonder if we ever lived before we saw his face.

More questions

"Why is it so cold when the sun is out?"

What a profound statement. I made it myself. I know, I know, I'm just so amazing. Okay, humorless joking aside, let me tell you about this.

I went to the park. It was somewhat cloudy but there was sunshine. And yet it was freezing cold. I asked that question aloud, to no one in particular. Then its profundity and impact hit me like a ice cube down my back. (Sorry, that was a ridiculous analogy but I couldn't think of anything better.)

Why does life hurt so much when God is in control and I know that? Why do I feel pain so often when God is by my side? I should be totally happy right now, because I've been redeemed, because God is on the throne, because He's there for me and loves me and etc. and the list goes on. It doesn't make any sense, does it?

The sun is out, but somehow it's still really, really cold. Just another oddity of life.
Huh - note something interesting. It didn't make me feel any warmer to know that if the sun were not there, I would be frozen and completely dead right now, as would everything else. I'll let you fill in that analogy.

Thanks for reading.

A bit of randomness

So I've got a nice collection of random things for you today.

1. For the Beauty of the Earth. I'd say most of us have sung the hymn before. But just this last Sunday as we sang it, I looked at the lyrics. Like really looked. They are simply incredible! I'm amazed I never noticed before... I guess that happens to a lot of hymns. Anyway, listen to the fourth verse.


        For the joy of human love,
brother, sister, parent, child,
friends on earth and friends above,
for all gentle thoughts and mild;
Lord of all, to thee we raise
this our hymn of grateful praise.

And it struck me with new meaning, as a lot of things have since May 5. Friends above. Why does it say friends above? It is a cause of excitement to some degree, that I have a dear friend who is right now probably talking to Jesus! So when I'm singing that verse, I'm essentially thanking God for friends above - thanking God that Josh is in Heaven. Wow.

2. A dear friend and I discovered last night our new favorite snack. We had had penne spaghetti for dinner and the leftover noodles were sitting on the table, along with the warm red sauce. We both were thinking the same thing... and did it. It's awesome! You take a happy penne noodle, dip it into the sauce and yummm! Yeah, so maybe it's ridiculous considering we could've just had seconds on our plates... but hey. Yay for finger food.

3. Maybe this is another thing that everybody else knows and I just now figured out was awesome.... but have you ever really sat down and considered the fact that you are immortal? Yup. Everybody is. We can never cease to exist, even if we wanted to. It's almost scary. Every person you ignore at the grocery store is an immortal being. Wow. And almost more fascinating: though we all have no end, we all have beginnings at different times. So basically, Adam and Eve get to be in existence longer than me!

4. Last but not least... isn't it amazing that we have video? I have perhaps never been so grateful for the miracle of moving pictures... because it captures simple moments like THIS, that mean so much today. Can I say it again? Josh: I miss you so, so much.