Changing, growing, learning...

This is a quote I like. From a fictional book.

      "But now, although I am still young in years, I am no longer young in understanding. I have loved and suffered. I have discovered that the sun still shines without him, that the wind still blows, and that there is poetry still in life, though I have found it where least I looked for it. I have learned to look beneath the surface of things, and now, I believe, that the differences that lie between us are a good, rather than an evil, for you have a great deal to show me; not just picnics and parties, enjoyable as they are, but matters of deeper import, too. 
      ...I have been born to an extraordinary fate, have I not?"

-- Marianne Dashwood

New Look

Yep... I know autumn is almost over, but my sister took this incredibly magical picture of me a couple days ago and I looked at it and said, "That is going to be my header." So there it is.

End of story.

Read this.

I think this is the first time I've done this.... but go read this. It's brilliant.

waywardfancies.blogspot.com/2012/08/to-tame-idea.html

A bit of randomness

So I've got a nice collection of random things for you today.

1. For the Beauty of the Earth. I'd say most of us have sung the hymn before. But just this last Sunday as we sang it, I looked at the lyrics. Like really looked. They are simply incredible! I'm amazed I never noticed before... I guess that happens to a lot of hymns. Anyway, listen to the fourth verse.


        For the joy of human love,
brother, sister, parent, child,
friends on earth and friends above,
for all gentle thoughts and mild;
Lord of all, to thee we raise
this our hymn of grateful praise.

And it struck me with new meaning, as a lot of things have since May 5. Friends above. Why does it say friends above? It is a cause of excitement to some degree, that I have a dear friend who is right now probably talking to Jesus! So when I'm singing that verse, I'm essentially thanking God for friends above - thanking God that Josh is in Heaven. Wow.

2. A dear friend and I discovered last night our new favorite snack. We had had penne spaghetti for dinner and the leftover noodles were sitting on the table, along with the warm red sauce. We both were thinking the same thing... and did it. It's awesome! You take a happy penne noodle, dip it into the sauce and yummm! Yeah, so maybe it's ridiculous considering we could've just had seconds on our plates... but hey. Yay for finger food.

3. Maybe this is another thing that everybody else knows and I just now figured out was awesome.... but have you ever really sat down and considered the fact that you are immortal? Yup. Everybody is. We can never cease to exist, even if we wanted to. It's almost scary. Every person you ignore at the grocery store is an immortal being. Wow. And almost more fascinating: though we all have no end, we all have beginnings at different times. So basically, Adam and Eve get to be in existence longer than me!

4. Last but not least... isn't it amazing that we have video? I have perhaps never been so grateful for the miracle of moving pictures... because it captures simple moments like THIS, that mean so much today. Can I say it again? Josh: I miss you so, so much.

Rose-colored glasses?

You know how certain things just stick in your mind? Well, one of those things is something that has been said about the INFP - my personality. It is that we see the world through rose-colored glasses.

Now my first reaction is to chafe at this. To see things as not the way they are means I'm blind! And after all, I'm a realist - just ask my sister. For instance, I view romance in a very logical (if not cynical) way, which irks her. (But maybe that's just because she's in love...)

But after that initial reaction, I begin to wonder if it isn't true after all... Consider this quote from yesterday's journal entry.

"On the way to band, I stared at the sky while driving, it was blue with puffy clouds - SO beautiful - and wondered if I really did see the world through rose-colored glasses. Why is everything so beautiful to me and not to many other people? Yeah, maybe other NFs, but that's about it. Like... are my eyes closed, or opened? Why is my backyard so wonderful over and over again? The sky has been blue with clouds many times, but that doesn't make it any less beautiful."

I tend to think that my eyes are opened to see beauty that others do not see. But maybe they're the ones who's eyes are opened. It is true that I forget about the world's suffering so often. I live in this column of Grace and blessing, and am repeatedly shocked by cruelty. Perhaps because I subconsciously thought the world was beautiful, and everyone as happy as I?

This thought sobers me and takes away whatever pride I might have had in my "open-eyed-ness." I never should forget the suffering that is all around, the evil that poisons the earth. Yes, the world is beautiful, but it is also terrible. Hmm.

So perhaps I do have those rosy glasses on after all. Perhaps it's because others see so clearly the sadness and tragedy of the world that they cannot see the beauty. Perhaps their eyes are the open ones.

Hmm.

Well, on a completely unrelated note, I thought I'd let you all know some random information.

I have Precordial Catch Syndrome and Temporomandibular Joint Disorder.

PCS means I have occasional chest pains and can't take deep breaths. TMJD means my jaw pops when I open it and occasionally dislocates. Fun stuff, eh? The best part is, in both of these doctors aren't really sure what causes it.
But hey! I'm not complaining. My knee is fixed and these little problems are microscopic. Although I can't deny that sometimes I get rather frustrated with my weird body...

That's all, folks. Hej då!

Musings from the dentist

At the dentist today I got my gums poked by that sharp metal thing they use - you know.

And it really got me thinking.

I don't know why I thought this, but it just popped into my head, Hmm, why did God have that happen? Now I was hardly upset about it, of course, but I did suddenly wonder why it happened. Usually things have a purpose, you know - in fact, I believe everything does. God is sovereign, and everything happens according to his will, or plan.

So why on earth was it in God's plan that she poke my gums? Again, not because I wished it didn't happen, because I honestly didn't care, but just because it's curious to think about.

My mom said God just "lets" things happen like that - as if they're too small concerns for him to worry about. I guess that's kind of true... but yet, God is God, not a human. Maybe he does care about said small concerns. He is in perfect control of of everything. Including my trip to the dentist. He could've made it go perfectly painless, but he didn't.

Why not? I really, really wonder. In fact - why even make gums with nerves? What difference could it make?

Honestly - I can't imagine any possible influence on the course of events from my gums being poked. Why? The way God works puzzles me very much.

If anyone has an answer I'd love to hear it. Then again... I might just have answered my own question. It did influence the course of events --

I wrote a blog post about it!